Are you or Have you Ever Been a Climate Change Denier?

Thu Feb 8 09:48:01 2007
NCC Articles

By: Gerry Nicholls / The Calgary Sun

Recently in the House of Commons, Liberal leader Stephane Dion called Prime Minister Stephen Harper the worst thing you could possibly call somebody these days: a "climate change denier".

Harper, of course, vehemently denied this serious charge --but Dion’s point is well taken.

There are, in fact, real climate change deniers operating freely and unwatched in our country.

Surely, the Prime Minister must act quickly and ruthlessly root out these "climate change deniers" who pose such a clear and present danger to our Post-Kyoto society.

After all, “climate change deniers” are probably secretly operating in our schools, in our churches, in our government and even in our bowling leagues, undermining Canada’s sacred Kyoto mission.

Does all this sound paranoid?

Well how else do you explain the fact that Canada has come no where near to meeting our commitment under the Kyoto Accord to cut our greenhouse gas emissions?

In fact, our emissions have actually gone up. This occurred even while Stephane “Mr. Green” Dion was Environment Minister.

Needless to say, our politicians can’t be to blame.

It must be the work of the nefarious “climate change deniers.”

And how else do you explain the fact that the federal government has not yet banned gas-guzzling SUVs, or that our politicians have not yet acted to extinguish Alberta’s robust oil-producing economy, or that our leaders have failed to triple the price of gasoline and home heating oil?

Aren’t these the things we should, nay must be doing in the name of battling climate change?

Again, the only possible answer is to blame it on the secret plottings of the “climate change deniers”.

Certainly the time has come for action.

The federal government must set up a House of Unenvironmental Activities Committee (HUAC) with the power to investigate and expose the non-believers in our midst.

As a good "green" citizen, I am willing to do my bit.

In fact, to help the H.U.A.C do its job I have even put together a handy guide to aid citizens in spotting these "climate change deniers" in our midst.

Here’s a sampling:

• Watch out for any citizen who refused to take the federal government’s "One Tonne Kyoto Challenge".
• Be on the look out for people who “accidentally” throw their newspapers in the "glass only" section of recycling bins.
• Warning bells should certainly go off if your neighbor named his dog, "Kyoto Science is Flawed"
• Keep your ears peeled for any passerby who takes the name of David Suzuki in vain.
• Does your co-worker refuse to wear green ties?

If you notice anyone exhibiting this type of incorrect or bizarre behaviour, do your civic duty and report them immediately to the proper government officials.

Once apprehended these deniers will be sent to “environment re-education camps” where they will be forced to endlessly watch Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth documentary until they admit the errors of their ways.

Only when every Canadian unthinkingly buys into politically acceptable climate change theory will Canada takes it rightful place in Kyoto Nirvana.

Whether or not that will actually stop climate change, of course, is a different story.

Oops  --- please don’t report me because of that last remark.

Article originally appeared: Thursday, February 8, 2007